Tom's Lawn Bowling 1995

Our lives had taken different paths over the years, but Tom & I tried to stay in touch. In 1995 Tom sent me a copy of this article from the Press-Telegram Long Beach, CA about his participation in a sport he took up – lawn bowling!

Tom doing the tourist thing in his old hometown!

Happy Birthday Lover

Happy Birthday to you...Dear Tom.........I should be cooking and fussing over you right now! You continue to give me gifts instead. I will cherish our time together and perhaps be a bit jealous that you now will be forever young!! Miss you Baby! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

For Good

Because of you, I've been changed for the better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzrGFQysfYU

So many things I wish I would have said.

Debbie

My heart is broken.......

Oh Tom........I am not sure how I can say goodbye to you.....so I choose not to. I have the comfort of knowing our last days together were joyful and we felt deep love for each other. How I wish I could change the events of your life that led you to this painful choice. I am a much better person for knowing you and will never regret loving you unconditionally. Our time together in Monterey was magical..........I was there when you first moved into the "farm" and I was there when you left. A part of my heart will always be in Monterey..........XOXOX

Jim Croce - Tomorrow's Gonna Be A Brighter Day - Digitally Remastered

Jim Croce - Tomorrow's Gonna Be A Brighter Day - Digitally Remastered

The resurrection and the light

Ah, Tom, I wish you'd held on for the first tender shoots of green reaching upward from the warming earth. Today would be a great day to take your bike out for a ride. Hope and the possibility of redemption are so alive in the world at this moment and you are nowhere to be found. I guess all of us who loved you will feel the pain in fresh ways with each new season. I want to hear your Cowardly Lion laugh again.

Words of Comfort

It's been 83 days since my last conversation with my long time friend Tom, and my heart still aches with saddness. I often search for words of comfort during this period of grief. Following is a quote by Tao Te Ching. I thought it made a lot of sense so I would like to share it with you. "Amidst the worldy comings and goings, observe how endings become beginnings." I will be keeping this quote in mind as I desperately search for comfort from this tragic loss.

I miss you......my Valentine!!

My Dear Tom,
I am missing you so much......I have no way to express the emptiness I feel.I long for another chance to show you how much love I have for you. My very special Valentine...you will be alive in my heart forever..............I love you!! XOXOXOX

In Blackwater Woods, by Mary Oliver

Tom loved the poetry of Mary Oliver (Audrey, did you discover her together?) A friend sent me this poem when told of Tom's death:

Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

The Circus Comes to Town

Was hoping I could find this! Tom sent this to me on Feb 20 2008. He was such an articulate person, as we all know. He was a gentle soul born into this tough guy kind of life. He mainly merged the two wonderfully but it was after all an uneasy cohabitation. Sigh. xoxo Audrey

Hope this works: (click on link) (or cut and paste link)

http://www.box.net/shared/fxdtq42ma4

Lovable Tom

This photo was taken at the Ninigret Dance Festival in Sept. 2004 and, as you can see, Tom was loved by all. When I introduced Tom to zydeco dancing, he took to it like a fish to water. His natural athleticism combined with his love for music made dancing a perfect fit for him. My friends in the dance community welcomed his friendliness and easy sense of humor. They were all laughing as they posed for this silly picture that I took.

Tom and I loved to play together.....he had some crazy laser light he would torment me with. He was warm to snuggle with and I loved to visit the Berkshires!

When Judy brought me home my name was "Doober".....it wasn't long before Tom figured out how very cool I am and he decided my name should be changed to D'uber....The Superior Kitty. He always had a way of communicating with me.......I will miss him and his mice a whole lot!!

Hello to my cousins Rocco & Breeze!!!!XOXOXOXOXOXOX

2004 Article about Tom and the Fresh Air program

I hope this works...You should be able to read the article here - just click on the link below.
http://www.box.net/shared/1tjypl907r

In the park taking pictures...

Thinking Man?!

Playing Guitar

Love that smile!

"Tommy picking peas in the garden"

This picture says it all...

In the Army (1969)

This is a photo of Tom playing the very competitive game of "Mouse" with the two cats we got as kittens in 1999. Tom named them Cool Breeze and Sirocco (Rocky) and they are still with me today, almost 11 and still quite kittenish.

Tom built that cat fantasy playground up on the wall; two boards with a hidden part where they could disappear from view up on the very high wall of one side of the house. Access was gained by scrambling up the rolled up carpet (to the left). Small catnip mice were tossed up to the cats (mostly Breeze, who is the more athletic of the two) who would bat them back. They played for hours, with Tom encouraging them to exceed their personal best. Extra points were given to cats who could bat the mouse down the hole in the carpet roll.

Tom loved the kitties but sometimes Rocky annoyed him by constantly seeking affection (which she still does). In his words "Rocky's such a needy f#@%." Another beloved Tomism from that our homeowning adventure: when we were experimenting with gardening Tom didn't want to cut down the weeds, because they were actually quite beautiful. "I know they're called weeds," he said, "but I can't work up a hate for them." Tom loved living in the country but the silence sometimes was too much for him. We brought our "noise machine" which we used to drown out the traffic on First Avenue, so it could lull him to sleep. You can take the boy out of the city . . .

Tom opened "Artform Furniture Restoration" in Great Barrington and worked hard for so many years to make it a success. For a long time, it was, and his clients ranged from second home owners to the Four Seasons Hotel in NYC which continued to send him their tables for gold leafing long after we left the city. He employed young men from around the area and more than once served as a mentor and friend to them, giving him some of the support and encouragement he had not received at their age.

Another expression we're all familiar with. Seeing his different faces helps me to hear his wonderful voice.

1981 or 1982 My sweet friend Tom at his one-room apt. on the upper west side of Manhattan. This is where he began working on his art pieces. He was so proud of his newly acquired talent! Altho my heart aches, I am lucky to have known and loved him. Tom enriched my life in so many ways.

In searching for relief from the pain of loosing my sweet friend Tom, I came across the following quote by Kahilil Gibran, On Joy and Sorrow:

"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

I have lost a special friend of 30 years. A piece of me gone forever, but never will I forget him.

1985 Tom working at a friend's leather shop on the upper east side of Manhattan. So handsome!

On one of our walks through Central Park in the late 1980s, Tom discovered Lawn Bowling. It became a passion and he traveled throughout the northeast (and the country) pursuing trophies like the one in this photo (with fellow bowlers Dana and Gene). Tom was extremely talented and driven, often playing through severe back pain. Lawn Bowling had a strict code of etiquette so Tom did get reprimanded once or twice for colorful language, but was one of the most popular bowlers on the team.

Jen's wedding

Jen and Erik's big day. Tom almost wept with emotion when he got this photo. He loved Jennifer with all his heart, loved to talk about her as a little girl (his "Bug") and his life was immeasurably enriched when they reconnected. He was so proud of Jen, and his grandson Joey.

I love seeing his life thru your eyes........

To the "Ladies" in Tom's life of which I am proud to be included. I have been told that it is better to be his last love than his first..........little consolation as I see images of this vibrant man and all he has accomplished with all the loving women in his life. My time with him was cut short but I cherish every moment we shared and I feel so blessed by the new circle of friends that he has brought to me.

may 7, 1989

Tom being appropriately goofy at our wedding. The photos I have of Tom are all circa 1989-1999, so between all of us we can probably get lots of different editions of Tom McLaughlin!

artist at work

Thank you Wendy for setting this up! As you can see I have zero experience in scanning but wanted to put a few photos up. This is Tom painting in the apartment we lived in on First Avenue between 62nd and 63rd in NYC (note the bars on the windows). The painting behind him is also by Tom. Tom painted on wood with aniline dye, which permeated the wood and let the grain (always carefully chosen by Tom) show through. His work was in several juried shows in NYC.